sherwinova.

half-hearted.

2010-09-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

I don't particularly like some of the things that you say, or some of the actions you choose to make - but I'm still in love with you, and I don't seem to be able to forget you.

not enough.

2010-06-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

push.

2010-06-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

Stop pushing my boundaries.
Take no as the fucking answer and stop making me feel terrible.

mushies.

2010-06-06T02:10:00.000-07:00

Grubbity, Grubbity, grew.

2010-06-03T01:29:00.000-07:00

Your blood will make my stew.

tomorrow.

2010-06-01T04:10:00.000-07:00

& tomorrow night I can start packing.

It's all over now.

Pack your bags.

2010-06-01T02:22:00.000-07:00

analysis.

2010-05-31T04:45:00.000-07:00

& all of a sudden I feel trapped, or maybe I always have.
I'm not so sure what I'm doing is right, and I'm scared it's going to kill me.
I don't want to let you down.. again.
Please give me leeway to do what I need to do.

Symmetry,

2010-05-30T05:00:00.002-07:00

It filled my head with the darkest shade of black, and I met you there.
I realised that then I was just a little sad, and I left you there.

curse of the virgin canvas.

2010-05-27T04:11:00.000-07:00

I am here to tell you a story. A story that will torture your thoughts by day and poison your dreams by night. And though I will do my best, there are no words that can be written,
nor brush strokes laid on canvas that can describe this stark and utter horror of the night that Annabel died.

The emptiness will haunt you.

the emptiness will haunt you.

2010-05-23T02:05:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep myself together.
I'm falling apart.

lost,

2010-05-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

The night sky feels as though it has never been darker, with the fleeting of the vengeance compelling me, I will attempt to recollect myself and resume my chase. But what is it that I am chasing? Am I really chasing anything at all? Am I simply drowning myself in revenge to avoid the horrifying truth? I've lost the only thing that made me feel truly alive.
Are my hands responsible? Are his? Who was he? Who was the mad man that stood before me tonight? I swear I've seen his face before. I know I've seen his face before.

hidden.

2010-05-21T01:58:00.000-07:00

"You don't have to sit in here, you can come out there with us you know. I know we're a bit noisy."

You include yourself in 'we' like you're a part of them. I guess I know where I stand now.
As an outsider, but that's fine, it's how it's always been.
I can't come out there and pretend to play happy families, when they're NOT my family, and I'm not even fucking happy.

no control.

2010-05-21T01:53:00.001-07:00

I'm so sick of crying uncontrollably.
Why are you doing this to me?

you stupid girl

2010-05-20T01:31:00.000-07:00

You are my world my everything, you're gonna be the death of me.
So let me go just let me be, you love the way you're killing me.

secrecy.

2010-05-19T02:15:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I have to keep everything I'm interested in, to myself.
I'm so sick of your bullshit. Go be a leech somewhere else. I'm done.

sailboats

2010-05-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

the thespian.

2010-05-15T21:27:00.001-07:00

You are the reason my heart beats. Tonight, it's just you and me.

pink promise.

2010-05-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

"I want to take away the steps that I mistook, but there was no stairway to start with. I want to devise a plan to change your past actions but the light bulb is on static. It isn't compatible with electricity. I want to delete the impressions they have on myself, but this is not a photo editing program and I have no way to blur their opinions. I want to make a light switch on the sun because the summer heat gives me sunburns and even more freckles across my face. And most of all I want the paper airplanes in the night sky to be like shooting stars, because I could really use a wish right now.

If we can mix the past, the present, and the future into one world, the skyscrapers will be robust with vines crawling up them and we will row our wooden canoes back home from work, on the 132nd floor. We will lie on our backs on the City Tower and imagine the city lights to be candles which never fade away. We can be as free as mockingbirds and nothing will ever hurt us.

But we are all wild creatures inside, just like how long equations narrow down to 1+1.
We could pilot our own space shuttles, but I am a pirate and not a princess.
& I know how to make an airplane but not a shooting star."

such anger, young sky walker.

2010-05-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

Last nights episode of Supernatural was seriously amazing. Season 5 season finale. Season 6 returns in September. The way they ended last nights episode, if they hadn't have shown Sam/Lucifer (if he's still in there) they could well of ended it right there and then.
Cas is all back to his angely-self. Quite frankly, I prefer him as his human-angel self.
"Aww, he's such an angel."
"Yeah, but angels don't sleep.."

< This is what two years of being with Dean Winchester does to you. You call your own brother 'Assbutt' before throwing flaming holy water at him and giving dean "5 minutes" to talk to Sam.. then Lucifer snaps his fingers and you're a pile of blood.

♥

2010-05-13T02:45:00.000-07:00

Get it through your head - you're fucking crazy.
I don't need a friend, I need an enemy.

underdog,

2010-05-12T03:01:00.001-07:00

Revenge loves company, three makes it a crowd.
Wash your mouth, sit this one out.

I can't stand it,

2010-05-12T01:24:00.000-07:00

Those three words, are never going to be enough,
to describe what I feel for you.

built.

2010-05-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

We weren't built to last this long.

freeezing.

2010-05-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

I'm that cold, it hurts.

I want to press myself against you and hide from the world in blankets.

crashing

2010-05-08T18:04:00.001-07:00

I thought that I should tell you why, my world is crashing down again.

(U)

2010-05-06T02:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone in my life seems to be leaving.
I barely see my mother, my grandparents, I haven't spoken to my cousins in months, my friends are limited and I spend half my time talking to myself. My nana, who's been like my best friend since I was about 5 years old, is thinking about moving up to Yarra Junction with my Uncle.
You're all I have and now I'm losing you too. I must be a terrible human being if I can't keep a hold of one single person.

I can't take this anymore. I fucking need you, you have absolutely no idea.
I've pushed everyone else away. If you go I'll have absolutely no one.
I love you, so much. Please come back.

without.

2010-05-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

But I can't find the strength in my voice to call and tell you that everything is bad without,
you and I are lost again, I can't believe we're lost again,
everything is bad without you.

pathetic.

2010-05-02T06:17:00.001-07:00

You're fucking pathetic.
'You poor thing, you don't deserve to be upset'
Should not encourage your tear ducts to start leaking.
Grow the fuck up and get over it, like he says.
He says it's so easy. Just fucking realize it's that easy and get over it.
GET OVER IT, GET OVER IT, GET OVER IT, GET OVER IT.
You fucking piece of shit.

2010-05-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not so sure anymore, I don't just want to throw everything away.
Maybe I should learn to trust you more than I do.

what changed?

2010-04-27T02:26:00.000-07:00

You. Oh, you. We used to be so close. I used to love coming home and talking to you. But something went wrong along the line. Maybe it was me, maybe it was you; I'm not pointing fingers.
I miss you, that's all. I wish things were how they used to be.
I know you have a lot on with VCE and things, but trying to talk to you is like trying to talk to a brick wall.
I love you, and I probably always will, but I don't think we'll ever have back what we once had.

mosh

2010-04-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

..

2010-04-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Second thoughts?
Someone pull me into line.

alone.

2010-04-22T03:46:00.000-07:00

I get terrible, sarcastic looks from everyone I used to consider to be my friend.
I have no friends. Everything aggravates me, everybody annoys me.
My nature has never been like this. I'm guess I'm past the point of caring.
Now I only have you, I'd better do my best to not annoy or pester or cling onto you too tightly.
Or you might just up and leave me, too.

blind,

2010-04-15T02:43:00.000-07:00

Things are getting worse. We're slipping away.
You don't know how much I love you, you probably never will.
The thought of not having you, tears me apart.
Wake up and realize how much I need you.

comatose,

2010-04-14T02:13:00.001-07:00

I'm asleep, and all I dream of, is waking to you.
Comatose, I'll never wake up without an overdose of you.

nonsense.

2010-04-13T05:42:00.001-07:00

& who would've thought just one night could make me feel like this.

stranger,

2010-04-11T03:52:00.000-07:00

Not sure I know who I am anymore. It doesn't matter what I tell myself, I go against what I know is right, I do what I'm not supposed to and it makes me feel terrible. I'll tell myself one thing and do the complete opposite.
Now I've done something I never thought I'd be the kind of person to do. I guess I was wrong.

It's eating me alive.

walls,

2010-04-04T05:18:00.001-07:00

Oh how I need you.

jerk,

2010-04-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

We live in a rural area. We don't need fucking security cameras.
Nobody comes here, you're fucking paranoid.
You've really done it this time.
I'm ashamed to call you my father.
Go jump off a fucking bridge.

desire,

2010-04-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

It started with desire, and it turned into a lovers tryst.
Who ever knew a moth and a flame could ever create a love like this.
I'm just an ugly moth in love, in a butterfly disguise.

porcelain,

2010-04-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

I dream of empty shores.
I want to watch as rainbow waves roll in barrels and crash on the golden sands before me.

product of a promise,

2010-04-03T17:27:00.001-07:00

Once our love was lost and hope was gone.
Now we've found our love and hope has returned.
If you give me your heart in whole, I won't mistreat it.
I promise.

this addiction,

2010-04-03T03:33:00.001-07:00

I never knew I'd miss you this much. I never knew how hard it would be to be apart.
It's been merely days and I feel like I haven't seen you in years.
This addiction, I can't seem to live without you.

everlong,

2010-04-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

Open your eyes and see the skies have fallen.
Everything is crashing, but I'll never let you go.

plaisir d'amour,

2010-04-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in love with you.
I just want to be by your side, forever.
♥

project wakeup,

2010-03-31T03:54:00.000-07:00

Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I love you more and more. Listen to my heart; Can you hear it sing? It's telling me to give you everything. Seasons may change, winter to spring. But I love you, until the end of time.

Another day has passed & I miss you more.
Why does loving you feel like this?
I wish this was easier.

chasing thrill,

2010-03-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm not very good at this. I can never find the right words. Everything I think and feel is incoherent, people often wonder why I don't open up. Trying to find the right words is the hardest.

The last five hours have felt like fifteen. Hours blur together. There's no separation in time.
Sunday night, yesterday & half of today felt like merely 24 hours. Not enough time was spent. Not enough contact was shared. I've never felt as empty as I do now, I don't know how I lived without him for so long. Oh god, how I need you.

I'll be gone, when you open your eyes.

all you did was save ruin my life

2010-03-21T23:43:00.000-07:00

Was just looking at my 'nightmare' post. Written in June, 2009. It's March 2010. Things should have changed by now, but they haven't.
I thought at first I would snap out of it, that it would go away. It's gotten worse. Oh so much worse.
I've felt like this for so long. I feel like I could kill her whole family and not even feel guilty..
I'm really not myself anymore. I've pushed all my friends away. I feel so lonely & so helpless.
I'm sorry for everything I've done in the past year or so. I really haven't been myself - which of course is no reason for me to act like this.

You'll never read this. You'll never know how truly sorry I am for pushing you away. You'll never know how much it kills me to watch you look through me and have no idea I'm even there. & most of all, you'll never how how truly sorry I am, or how much I miss what we had.

Secret love, my escape, take me far far away.
Please take me anywhere but here.

I'm done caring.

Beyond Here Lies Nothin'

2009-09-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

It's funny how you can confuse people for something that they are not. All the right signs are there, the way they always want you around them, they say cute things to you, hug you continuously.. and then turn around and pretty much say that they thought they could easily get into your pants.
Well excuse me for being a reserved 'freak of nature'. I don't fool around for the sake of it. To me, there has to be meaning.

nightmare,

2009-06-22T02:04:00.000-07:00

You look like crap.

You jumped in my mother's grave too quick. You shouldn't be here, not yet - if ever. I don't know what it is about you that makes me dislike you, maybe it's the fact I can't get away from you? You're always there. Maybe it's the way you talk that's extremely annoying. Or maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that 90% of the time you smell like dead cow. I don't see how he could do this to us. We're supposed to be first priority. I don't want out families to become one, I don't want you and dad to go into a investment property. I don't want him to make the same mistake as he did with mum. How I miss her. I'd much prefer to be little, and still have my mum around - than for you to be imposing on my life daily.
Maybe I'm being unfair. But I seriously can't live like this, I don't know what it is about you, but I just can't stand to live in the same house as you. You and dad met what, under a year ago? Should my brother and I not have a say to who lives with us? I guess not.
Maybe I just need to get away. Maybe the week at Wodonga with my best friend will do me good.. If that doesn't do anything to change my mood, I don't know where to go from there. I might just very well pack up and move out. But you'd like that, wouldn't you?

route 666

2009-06-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

Which by the way, how does she know what we do? - You told her. You told her the secret of our big family rule number one; we do what we do and we shut up about it! For a year and a half, I do nothing but lie to Jessica and you go out with this chick from Ohio a couple of times and you tell her everything! Dean!
Yeah. Looks like it.

~

You only talk to me when it suits you. You always expect me to tell you all my problems, but when I try to get you to confide in me, you won't have it. I love you, you know I do, and yet you try to push me away. You say I'm one of your best friends, but I don't see it. I don't see how you can figure that when all you ever do is try push me away. Sure, some days you seem to actually enjoy talking to me, but lets face it - the majority of the time all you say is two words.
I don't want to be your candy. I don't want to let you push me around and toy with me like I'm a doll. I don't enjoy it, and I sure don't enjoy the ways in which you treat me. He was right, I need to grow a backbone and start sticking up for myself, no matter the consequences. If everyone turns on me and hates me, then so be it. But I'm not going to sit around and watch you walk all over me any longer.

Faith.

2009-05-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

Man, you're a lying bastard! I thought you said we were going to see a doctor.
I believe I said specialist. Look Dean, this guy is supposed to be the real deal.
I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent!

~

So I'm back, after a two week hiatus from blogging, I am back. A few things have happened over the last few weeks.

I ordered my two TT CD's.
I've been on two school excursions, not that that matters in the least.
I've become my own worst enemy.
I've been spending more and more time with my mother.
I've learnt where my life will be going shortly.
I've become a jealous cow, and I don't like it.
But I don't think I can change it, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it.
My best friend is missing; or atleast, I hope she's missing. She may be dead, I don't know.
I can only hope she's okay.

~

I've completely lost my muse for everything. I have to write an essay by Monday, and I'm going out this weekend, so I guess I'll have to do it all Sunday night. I'm stressed, but whatever. I'll get over it.

~

You're my worst nightmare.
You're like a spider web. You make a mess of me and I hate it. You make me feel like shit, and I can't do anything to stop it. I wish you'd just go away. No one will want me when you've finished with me. not even the fattest, nerdiest of people with no expectations or rules. I hate you. I wish you'd just leave me alone; but of course you won't. You wouldn't dream of it. You just want to make my life a living hell. I'm not myself when you're around. I'm never myself, because you're always there. Under my skin, above my skin. The thought of people staring at you makes me sick. I know I'm not the only one you affect, but it makes me suicidal; & I'm not even kidding. I wish I could just cut you out of my life like a stranger I walk past on the street, but it's not that simple. Of course it's not that simple, you want to make my life so shit, so unbearable that one day I'll snap, and I'll cut you out of me. I'll have to cut off my own skin.

scarecrow.

2009-05-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

What made you change your mind?
I didn't. I still want to find dad... and you're still a pain in the ass. But Jess and mom - they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me, we're all that's left. So, uh, if we're gonna see this through, we're gonna do it together.
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.

I haven't blogged in quite a while. I haven't really been in the mood for it. I'm still not, really.
But whatever.
This morning I woke up, barely being able to breathe. My throat is swollen up like a balloon.
It hurts. I can barely drink, let alone eat.
I'm hungry - but the thought of food makes me ill.
I constantly get dissy spells. And my ears are starting to ache.
I'm thinking it's the flu - oh great, now both Lianna and I can be sick together.

Sam: So Dad is sending us to Indiana to go hunting for something before another couple vanishes?
Dean: Yahtzee!

-some text missing-

Nobody has everything they want. It's a survival pattern. You get what you want, you want something else. If you have everything, you want something else. Something more extreme. Something more specific. Something perfect.

& because I have nothing more to say tonight, I'm going to flood the rest of this post with quotes from the DH season finale.

Victor: I'm not by best anymore. I want to be my best.
Claire: Yes. I know you do.
Victor: How can I be my best now? Dr. Saunders? How can I be my best please?
Claire: You can't Victor. You can't be your best. Your best is past. Your past you can't even remember. You're ugly now. You're disgusting. All you can hope for now is pity. And for that, you're going to have to look somewhere else.

~

Alpha: I'm not going to shoot the wedge. I'm going to keep the wedge. I'm going to use the wedge. And I am going to grab Wendys and Beckys and Stacys from all over this great nation, and every one of them will be a Caroline. And every one of them will get carved up, and her throat cut until I get bored. Now get in the chair!

~

Alpha: We're confused. Omega, you hit me with a pipe.
Echo: Yeah. Call me Omega again, you'll get some more!
Alpha: Something must've gone wrong with the composite.
Echo: Nothing went wrong. Every imprint this active has ever had is alive and awake in her head right now.
Alpha: Then why did you hit me in the head with a pipe?
Echo: It was handy? And you wanted me to kill myself!

~

Adelle: The Alpha situation was an unfortunate technological anomaly.
Paul: A technological anomaly? My God, what have you people done?

asylum.

2009-05-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, I gotta question for ya. You seen a lot of horror movies, yeah?
Yeah, I guess so.
Do me a favor, next time you see one, pay attention. When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.

I don't really know what to say today, really.
Nothing is going on ; except the harassment from a 20yr old that I really don't want to talk to. It's quite complicated, and I really can't be bothered going into detail; especially if the girl he's sleeping with manages to get her hands on my pretty blog's URL and reads it.. she'd come after me with a knife.. no joke.
He offered to take me out for dinner.. And then said he thought I was 16.
Or maybe he just wanted me to be 16.
Fucked if I know, and I really don't want to deal with it right now.
Sometimes, I want to learn Karate.

I just finished watching When the Levee Breaks and.. what can I say.
It made me cry endlessly. They locked up sam at the end of the last episode, and then he starts having fits and flings himself around the room. He starts hilousinating; has a conversation with himself as a child, and then with his mother - who was all 'don't let anyone get in your way. do what you have to do to stop this. I'm proud of you' - it took me atleast 3 minutes to pick my jaw up off the floor.
Castiel lets sam out of the shelter that they have him locked in, and says it was God's order.
I'd really like to know which drugs this 'God' is on. He definately isn't in the right state of mind to let a human; or now as dean calls him, a monster out of the cell, to just go back to Ruby and drink her stained demon blood all over again. - What was the point in the cold turkey?
Seriously, Cas/God WHOEVER'S idea it was to let him out, you're insane.
It was the second last episode of season 4; leading up to the rising of Lucifer - Lucifer Rising ironically being the title. The title of the first episode was Lazarus Rising, they rise dean, and then Lucifer gets out of his cage. Brilliant.
- has too many emotions for this tv show; please shoot me. -
~

I can't wait until tomorrow. Get to find out what happens to my echo ♥
I'm planning on preordering the first season of DH from Amazon, 'cause it's pretty cheap.
I still need to get my hands on a copy of the complete series of Tru Calling which is bothering me, because I can't get it from a store and can only get it online, and online it's about $70 (inc p&h) The DVD's are atleast 4 years old - as it was still on TV when I was in hospital after falling off a horse and being dragged; and I was 9/10 then.
~

I've decided I want a blackberry.. I don't know how I'm going to get the money to get one, but it's going to happen. I'm going to make it happen. And then I will be one very happy little cookie!
They're around $700 for the Bold, of which I want; unless I get a cheap crappy one from Ebay?
But I'd prefer the nicer one. Dad is going to talk to the manager of Grantville BP tomorrow..
It'll probably all blow up in my face if I believe it'll happen, so I'm not betting on it.
~

PROMISE ME, YOU'LL FORGET ME, YOU SAID AS YOU WALKED AWAY.
DON'T HOLD ON, PLEASE; LET GO OF ME. YOU MAKE THIS SO HARD TO LEAVE.
YOU PROMISED ME.

It's a text message, it's co-ordinates.
You think dad was texting us?
He's given us co-ordinates before.
The man can barely work a toaster, Dean.
~

How do you guys know all about this ghost stuff?
It's kind of our job.
Why would anyone want a job like that?
I had a crappy guidance counselor.
~

It doesn't matter what he wants -
See that attitude right there? That's why I always got the extra cookie.

home.

2009-05-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

This might even be the thing that killed Jessica and Mom.
Alright! Just slow down, would ya? I mean, first you tell me you've got 'The Shinning' and then you tell me that I've got to go back home, especially when...
When what?.
When I swore to myself I'd never go back there.

I have promised that I'd write about a certain someone.
She has a boyfriend as of late, he's the cheating type.
He's cheated on her before, and I bet my bottom dollar that he will again.
He mocks the shit out of me for no reason, makes me feel like crap and she's never stood up for me, not once.
Everyday is the same. She spends all her time with him, never with her friends.
Maybe I'm reading a little too much into it,
but the only reason she hung out with us all today, was because he was in the gym.
Away from her.

I really need to get everything organised.
I want to get my book report done very, very soon.
It's due in two weeks and I've hardly even made a start.
I still need to do those two HL orders. As much as I hate it, I have to do it.
I've decided I need to make myself a new signature and avatar for HMF.
I need to get on Y@G, but I can't at the moment because I have no idea what the URL is.
I also need to sort out all the crap on my computer, get an external HD and take it in for a service.
It's lagging a bit and needs some TLC that I alone, cannot give.
~

We have aims test's next Wednesday. Great. Just 'effing fantastic.
School is going okay, I suppose. Not failing in anything that I'm aware of at the moment.
I wish math didn't confuse me as much as it does, though.
Trying to concerntrate today was hard enough. Let alone trying to concertrate through the brick wall that my brain has aligned to stop the math nervous system.
~

So, aparantly Lillith is the last seal.
Ruby is evil.
It's that damn new bodies fault.
Ever since she got sent back to hell, she's changed.
She turned lil' helpless Sammy into a vampire.
& I really don't like vampires.
~

Especially not miss Stephenie Meyers version of the Vampire.
They're LAME. No, I'm not holding back. Fuck you.
You screwed everything up, you impisole.
Back last July, RPattz was 'ugly' according to everyone in my art class.
Now he's not? People don't change over night.
You people are all worthless, crowd following noobs.
Go die, yes?
~

YOU'RE THE GIRL WITH THE RED DRESS ON, YOU'RE THE ONE I DREAMED ABOUT, DRIFTING AWAY.

Dad? I know I've left you messages before. I don't even know if you get them but I'm with Sam in Lawrence, and there's something in our old house. I don't know if it's the thing that killed mom or not. But, I don't know what to do... So whatever you're doing, if you could get here... Please. I need your help Dad.
~

John Winchester, I could just slap you! Why don't you go and talk to your children?
I want to. You have no idea how much I want to see 'em but I can't, not yet. Not until I know the truth.

bugs.

2009-05-06T02:20:00.000-07:00

What? Dad never treated us like that.
Yeah, he never treated YOU like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. You don't remember this.
OK, maybe he had to raise his voice a few times, but sometimes you were out of line.
Yeah, like when I said I wanted to play soccer instead of learning bow-hunting.
Bow-hunting's an important skill!

Today I stayed home from school. Planned on getting those two graphic orders done.
Didn't get around to it.
I was supposed to wash the dishes.
I washed half, and then decided I couldn't be bothered with the other half.
I was supposed to take the sheets off my bed.
I couldn't be bothered moving.
I hated today. I think I said 5 words to Lianna, and that was it.
I miss her so much. Seeing her so down and untalkative messes with my head.
~
Today I noticed that I'd been put down a heap in a very close friends top-friends on myspace.
Call me immature, but she's never put me down so far in that list. Ever.
So that gets to me a bit too. Especially considering the fact that I have no idea what I've done,
and she calls me her 'best friend'.
~
Everyday I talk to this one person. & today he was not himself.
He hasn't been himself for a few days, now & it's bothering me like you wouldn't believe.
I don't know what's wrong with him. When I ask he doesn't give me an answer.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

I feel so lonely and out of the loop. Bec's newest blog has me worried, too.
I don't feel like there's anyone around me that actually genuinely wants me around.
I feel that I get on everyone's nerves a little too much, and that bothers me to the extent
that I become annoying when I ask if I'm being annoying.
I'm not a very good judge of character. I don't understand the looks people give me,
why they don't talk to me - or why they ignore me all together.

There's this one person who hasn't spoken to me in around a month.
He hardly ever looks at me anymore - I almost feel invisible.
No, wait. I DO feel invisible.
The event that happened before he stopped talking to me is rediculous.
I won't go into detail; but I practically stopped him from groping me.
And since then, not a word has been spoken.
Guy's are rediculous.
I've decided that I'll just ignore it. I won't let it bother me.
These bottled up emotions that I haven't spoken of are buzzing around in the air as of now..
Hopefully it will stop bugging me.
If it doesn't; expect to hear about it again.

hookman.

2009-05-05T03:41:00.000-07:00

Your, uh, half-caff double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, Francis.
Bite me.

Ah, well. Today I had media. Got my powerpoint graded, got an A.
Still waiting on my talented students poster to be graded, hopefully that'll get a good mark, too.
I uploaded my Media cover onto my Deviantart the other day.
Can be seen here. I really want to upload more things to my DA, but I'm not sure what I want to upload.
~
I remembered today I still have two HL orders to complete.
It's been almost a month since I recieved the first order, a week since I recieved the second.
I don't really want to do the first. The girl wants a horse layout. Horses are always so predictable.
The other wants some guy on hers. I love doing people layouts, so I think I'll do that one this week sometime.
~
I still have to start my English Book Report. It's due in around three weeks, and I really want to get it done asap, so I can cross it off my endless list.
I love the feeling of fulfillment when you finish everything you need to get done.
And hate the feeling when you realise there was something else you had to do.
~
Today I made a createblog, for myspace layouts. 'Cause I use mine, and then they just get thrown away like a piece of rubbish; with createblog, I can upload them so others can use them.
Hoping to make myself a new Myspace layout soon-ish, so I can upload the one I have on at the moment to createblog.
My createblog can be viewed here.
~
I finally recieved my details for Y@G (youth advisary program) but I never got the website, so I have absolutely no idea where I'm supposed to go. I think I'll have to ask bri.
~
I don't know how I feel anymore. My best friend has been so ill lately, and it's
bringing me down. She can't go to school, she can barely sleep. She's miserable at best, and it affects me a little too much. She said to me the other day that she hopes it's swine flu. You should have seen my face. I love that girl way too much for her to leave me now. Ever. She can never go, I'll never let her.

Another weekend in the transit station, eyes glue to hands
of the rushing clocks that won't wait for just anyone.
She awaits the R2 patiently with gifts clinched under arms,
for her lover that she misses oh so much right now.
Friday train rides, sitting next to suit and ties to work
Six long hours cramped and crowded
Her regrets can't quite be counted on both of her hands,
but count on her goodbyes.

skin.

2009-05-04T00:17:00.000-07:00

That better be you Sam and not that freak of nature!
Yeah, it's me. He went to Becca's, looking like you.
Well, he's not stupid. He picked the handsome one!

So, birthday today. I do believe Anais Sari Deligny made my day.
Oh, and that friend Elle of hers.

my friend elle, she saw you and she was like" holy shit. she's absolutely fucking gorgeous"
and i was like"..yehh shes 15"
and she was like" WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
~
believe me when i say this, you are beautiful, and im glad your still one of my best friends.
~

And I got a really sweet message from Lianna, too.

Happy birthday bubs! God, I wish I could be there celebrating it with you.
Aweh, I'll have to buy you something special.
Hm, what do you want for your birthday? Figure it out mkay?
~
I don't actually know what I want, I'm thinking she can get me the other TT album.
Though, I feel extremely rude asking her to buy me something.
She'd probably cut my head off if I didn't ask for something, though.
The 12 inch vinyl record one, because Holly wants me to buy the other one with the money she gave me.

Of course, all the happy birthday's I got today were adorable.
Thank you, everyone ♥
The one thing that upset me today was the fact that Nikita forgot.
She saw me at least 10 times, and didn't say anything.
She owes me, big. She's lost a few things of mine, broken a few.
& she still has my Sims 2; Nightlife disc, which is god-knows-where in her room.

SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS;
do not read on if you watch the show/do not want to know.

Last night I watched Supernatural 'The Rapture' which is episode 20 of the 4th season. The episode made me cry quite a bit. Castiel gets sent back to heaven, during an angel war. His vessel, Jimmy, is then left stranded in an old abandoned shed, where the brothers find him and explain to him that he must stay with them, or Demons will come after him and kill him. (as he was the vessell for an angel, and 'knows' things, even though he doesn't remember much from the year being posessed by Castiel) Jimmy doesn't listen, and goes back to his family. There, his best friend, Jack of whom is posessed by a demon, comes into the house and ask's Jimmy's wife, Amelia to get them a beer. When she comes back in, Jimmy is beating his best friend over the head because he's a 'demon'. Amelia thinks Jimmy is insane and goes back out into the lounge.
There, Jack is standing with a knife at their daughter, Claire's throat, eyes black with murder.
Everyone gets into a fight, the demons try to get Jimmy. Then, -like always- Sam and Dean appear, cut open the neck of the demon that is holding the daughter, and Dean leaves sam to excorsize the other demon with his hand. Sam hasn't had his 'blood' in a while, so he isn't up to scratch. He can't pull the demon, and Dean has to come back and kill the demon himself.
Jimmy, his family, Sam and Dean get into the impala, and drive away. They get out, and Sam gives Jimmy a massive speach about how his life will never go back to normal.
~
Sam: I'm going to tell you once again. You're putting your family in danger. You have to come with us.
Jimmy: How long? And don't give me that 'We'll cross that bridge when we get to it' crap.
Sam: Don't you get it? Forever. Demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. So you either get as far away from them as possible, or you put a bullet in your head. That's how you keep your family safe. But theres no getting out, and theres no going home.
Dean: Hell, don't sugar coat it, Sam.
Sam: I'm just telling him the truth, Dean. Someone has to.
~
They get Amelia and her daughter a car to drive back to their house, and when the Impala speeds off, Amelia's eyes turn black, she slaps Claire and calls her a bitch. Jimmy gets a call, which tells him to go to a warehouse, a trap, ofcourse. It says to go by himself. Sam and Dean go, too. Dean has 'a plan' but the plan backfires, Demons get ahold of them and then Amelia - of whom is still posessed - is all 'The punchline. Everybody dies' And she shoots Jimmy in the stomache. The demons tied Claire up to a chair, and when the demon goes over to kill her, she puts her hand on his forehead, and a white light comes out of his eyes and mouth.
Castiel.
S/he (whichever way you want to look at it) breaks the rope on the chair, gets up and begins killing the demons. Sam and Dean begin doing this, too. Sam is ontop of one of the demons, when he cuts her neck and begins drinking the blood from the fresh wound. He stands up, mouth messy with blood, and excorcises the Demon in Amelia's body. (the knife kills the victim, using Sam's method, the human stays alive) The look on Dean's face is appauling. Then, goes to sit next to Jimmy while he dies. Jimmy begins pleading for Castiel to take him back, and Castiel explains that 'it's in her blood, just like it was once in yours' Jimmy continues to beg Castiel to take him back.
Castiel: If you wish.
With that, Castiel gets up, goes to walk out of the warehouse, when Dean stops him.
Dean: Cas? You said you had something to tell me?
Castiel: I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you.
~
Bobby calls Sam and tells him that he and Dean have to get to his house, asap.
Sam ask's why, and Bobby tells him it's something about the apocolypse.
They get to Bobby's, and they all walk to Bobby's bomb shelter.
Sam: So uh, what's the big demon problem?
Bobby: You are. This is for your own good.
The big Iron door closes.
Sam: 'Guys? This isn't funny. Open the door! Guys?!'

I just finished reading Holly's newest blog clicky. I understand entirely what she is trying to say, what she is feeling, and why she thinks that way.
The one thing I do dissagree on, is the way she says 'no one has morals anymore'
That isn't true. Sure, I'm not 'everyone' but I do have morals.
I don't believe in kissing people just for the sake of it. That's probably why I've only kissed one person. (the other doesn't count - I don't remember it)
I don't believe in sleeping around, I don't touch anyone unless we're together, or I like them.
Mutual feelings mean no touchies.
The growing up fast thing she talks about, I am guilty of.
Most of my friends are older than 18, my best friend turns 17 in two months.
My other best friend turns 19 in October,
And most of my other close friends are between 20 & 27.
So, I do wish I were older. Only so I'd fit in better, no other reason.
I do want to stay a child for a while, though. I don't really want to deal with the problems independant people have.
So, Holly. I know what you're getting at, but sometimes it isn't as black and white as you think.
& not everyone wants to grow up fast.
I sure know quite a few people that are happy being the age that they are at the moment.

I really think I've typed enough. My hands are getting sore.
Tomorrow I'll probably end up doing a massive post on Dollhouse.
Thank-you, Anna & Lianna for the amazing messages.
I don't feel so small anymore.
♥ The now 15 year old, sherwinova.

bloody mary.

2009-05-03T00:16:00.000-07:00

So what did you dream about?
Lollipops and candy canes.

Well.. last night was very.. interesting, I guess you could call it.
I now has moneyz thanks to my awesome, awesome friends.
I just don't know what to spend it on.
I'm thinking I also need an external HD, 'cause mine is gay, I've downloaded too many episodes of Supernatural & Dollhouse, and they're clogging up my computers precious, precious arteries.
Makes it ultra slow.
Holly wants me to buy this with the money she gave me for my birthday, but I also want this and have wanted it for atleast 2 months now.
I have the money, so I might just get both.

a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs.
~
just stay there
cause i'll be coming over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop 'till it's over
won't stop to surrender.
~

Oh how I love you, TTT. ♥
I've ran out of quibble to speak.
I'm going to eat my dinner (tuna pastabake) now.

phantom traveler.

2009-05-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

Are you humming Metallica?

I've decided that I really need to get off my arse and make myself a blogskin.
I also need to upload one thing or another to my deviantart,
as it's looking quite deserted and un-loved.

Faded away like the color in a blue sky at the end of the day.
Night falls and the search begins for something, something better than this.
~
Helpless, cause my hands are tied.
Eyelids pinned back so they're open wide.
~
I don't wanna be around,
when it all comes down to watch something beautiful die.
__________________

Today I realised that I take one for granted.
'One' being the person of whom I do not want to name.
'One' being the person that has always been there for me,
'One' being the person that keeps me alive.
'One' is not a best friend. But a lifeline.
~
I finally rose from my pit of dellusion. I realised what matters to me most.
Who matters to me most. I'm so worried about you. Up there, all grown up - with all those people of whom are strangers to me. I miss what we were back then, before you left for your new life, with those new people. And now you want to move further away? Do I leave behind a bad smell? Am I not good enough for you? Do I care more about you than you do me? All these un-answered questions turn my brain into a scrambled discombobulation. They make my cheeks a plum colour of confusion and doubt. My eyes begin to close and behind the dark lids all I can see is what could have been. What should have been. What wasn't. It tears me apart in every single way you can imagine. I truely miss you. Your amazing smile that tore through my worries and doubts like sharp scissors through paper. The way you looked at me with eyes full of love and admiration. But most of all I miss the way my heart used to flutter around in my chest whenever you where near. It still beats, just not in the same prodigious way that it used to. When you were around. I can't begin to explain exactly how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me. That much it hurts me to see you in the state your in. So lonely and confused, that you wouldn't notice a good thing if it punched you right in your pulchritudinous face. I guess that's just how it's supposed to be.
~
Not a day goes by when I don't think about you. In one way or another your running around my mind shouting for me to look at you. But I don't see you. No, not at all. All I see is the faint memory of us that my soul still has ahold of; praying that one day, maybe, it could be like that once more.
~
I don't enjoy the company you keep. Nor do I enjoy watching you waste away to just another lonely soul on the streets that scream rape and murder. The only thing I still enjoy about you, is the way most things you say to me can make me smile. It's not a very easy thing to do, believe me. But, half the time I feel like I don't mean anything to you anymore. You claim that I'm one of your best friends and then you don't even talk to me about anything that is happening in your life. What do you expect me to do? Sit around and do nothing? Say nothing? Doubtful. I have my opinions, my thoughts. Most including you. I only want what is best for you, so you don't end up like those friends you have. Lonely, sad and faithless; with no hope in turning your life around. If you want to end up like that, sure. But don't expect me to sit here and watch you turn into nothing. I sincerely hope that you don't burn another hole in my heart. Hearts burst into flames. All that is left is a pile of dust sitting on a fragile rib. No feeling, no emotion, no pumping blood. Death is on your doorstep, so do everything you can to make him leave.

The three paragraphs above are not about the same people.
The first two are about a certain someone of whom I loved and lost,
and the third is about one of my great friends that I am scared to death for.
Surely, she can look after herself; but sometimes people in the dark of their own addictions
can't see what's right for them. I'd like to be your guiding light.

dead in the water.

2009-04-30T02:46:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie!

So, today went down alright. First off was Sport - we played some random game with frizbees..
I stayed in practically the same spot for the whole game. :) 'cause I'm awesome.
Then, we went into the gym for Lenore & Kirsten's AWESOME game,
which was a mash-up of Basketball & Soccer. With our own retarded spin.
I was goal shooter for green, originally. First two shots got in, missed a few.. got a few more in.
Changed ends, got Jorde as a defender. Jorde and I ended up having passionate butt-sex while fighting for the ball. ;)
Was a good game.
- I can't even be bothered talking about the rest of the day.
Not like anyone is really interested in my 'school life'.
Let alone my life at all. Whatevuhhh.
__________________________________

I am... saving up for quite a lot of things at the moment.
Here comes the list;

Some sort of Wacom Tablet.
A new phone?
Camera that doesn't EAT my batteries in 2 minutes.
Tru Calling complete series box set.
Buffy Seasons 1-7 box set.
Angel Seasons 1-5 box set.
Gossip Girl season 1.
Skins seasons 1,2 & 3.
The Mighty Boosh seasons 1,2 & 3. [it has a really really awesome box.]
I also need a new TV & TV stand.
I want a new bed, too.
A new house would be good.

Looks like sherwinova needs a job!
C'monnn Bass, bring in t3h Maccas!
________________________

I was reading the Sentinel Times today, and on the back page it has a picture of
a Brent Macaffa, who used to play for Killy Bass.
He now plays for Collingwood; his first game was the Anzac day clash against Essendon;
ofcourse Essendon won, as they're the better team - but that's beside the point.

Just cause people play for bass - obviously does NOT mean they're doomed to an eternity of fail.
As this 'Brent' kid has displayed, Bass isn't totally doomed.
Just a little lonely, and a little sad - we have a pub?
________________________

You know the weird thing?
I try not to write all that much; and then it ends up being mountain-fulls of pointless illiterate badly written shit.
So before I produce more shit and clog up your brain & eye arteries (which will then kill you), I'm going to stop these fingers from typing in this ugly box,
and might go continue on with my vexel.

♥ sherwinova.

wendigo.

2009-04-29T01:43:00.000-07:00

it's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight.

I guess we all learn who our real friends are in the end.
I wish I'd just figured it out sooner.
I don't expect anyone to have any idea what the hell I'm talking about.
And I would prefer it if you didn't ask.

My best friend lives over 500km away, and I miss her like you wouldn't believe.
Driving past Wodonga on the way back from Sydney brought me to tears.
I haven't seen her since last July, and won't see her again untill July this year.
Or atleast, I hope I'll see her in July.
___________________________________

It's my birthday on Monday. Party this weekend.. Everyone will probably be bored out've their brains, but hey, what can you do?
Have a Japanese test on the Monday. I do believe it's the third year running that I've had a Japanese test on my birthday. Oh well, it'll never happen again after this time.
For I am dropping the lame, confusing language at the end of this year.

I've started talking to an old friend again. I still find him to be the same person he was back when I knew him 6 years ago. To be quite honest, I miss the kid.
I'm not entirely sure how I continued with my life when he left, I don't even really remember him leaving. Apparantly he never said goodbye.

Chances are I'll be quite bummed for a while. Saturday should hopefully make me happy.
I'm quite upset that Jorde & Maddy can't come.. & now Alex might not be able to.
But whatever. I suppose I'll get over it.

Another long, totally random non-supernatural related blog post from t3h sherwinova.
I miss you two, Lianna & Anna. ♥
Two months, babes.

take me home.

2009-04-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

I love you.

Sup, Idgit?

Sheridan on a blog? Wow. Never would've thought of THAT.
This wholeee blog of mine will probably be full of Supi shit - that much that you're gunna cringe every time you go to read one of my thoughtless post's.

'Her cloudy eyes never closed for more than a blink. Her brain constantly ticked away in her head like a noisy clock. Some days she felt like she could cut off the top of her head and pull it out. Just to silence it.'
Vulgar, yes. Sue me. -cannot write-

Short, random & totally pointless first post from t3h Sherwinova.
(who is still trying to convince herself that typing into an ugly coloured box isn't a waste of time - if you believe you can convince me of this; bring it on.)

and when you said 'forever' did you mean it to be true, or was it another tale from you?